i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
