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I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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