I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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