This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
