How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
