you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
