I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
