I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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