Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
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