you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize