peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
