I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
