He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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