I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
