We're like a lot better than the average bears
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
