I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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