just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
