so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
