I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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