i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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