I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
