Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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