she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
they need to just BURY HIM!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Text me some of your sweat
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
