clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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