I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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