If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize