i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
