This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
