my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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