She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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