just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize