I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
