One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
