I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
