At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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