he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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