yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I understand Curling. That high.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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