Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I intend to get homeless drunk
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
