He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
