When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
