Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
