its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
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