"it" just moved
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
