I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize