If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
