24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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