garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
