One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
