so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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