I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize