New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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