I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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