I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
