Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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