I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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