Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
