yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
you made out with another girl for some wings
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
