can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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