im calling her cock vulture from now on
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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