I'm lost and stupid without you.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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