evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
