TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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