Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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