There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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