My pussy is not your playground.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
